I always seem to worry about my music releases. I know it's because it's important to me but I have to try to calm myself down because I experience so much anxiety. I really do want people to like it.
... but my stomach and my heart are too precious to get put through all that anxiety of that kind of living.
Even though I still do get anxious it helps to not do everything RIGHT NOW and to have it all RIGHT NOW.
I don't do this to get rich or famous. I do it to be happy and to connect with something that makes me feel good about life.
Life has also taken away so much from me so music is the only thing I feel like I do that connects me to something higher than myself. Something my Dad can still hear. Something I'm proud I can do really well. I don't want to lose that. No matter what.
However, now I'm feeling more relaxed about things and accepting that what I've done so far really IS a success and I have really changed people's lives with my music. I forget the messages and the moments in my life people have told me so.
I remember once at a gig in West Hollywood for the Haiti Relief Fund I was singing 3 songs from my last album Dawn of Momentum, after the set this man asked if he could come back stage and talk with me. My manager let him through and he looked right at me and took my hand and started shaking it, with a big smile on his face. He said, "thank you so much for singing tonight. It really affected me. I could relate to what you were singing about. Your song Sunshine really toughed me. I'm an HIV patient and I really did start to give up hope but hearing your song transformed me. I don't feel so hopeless now."
I almost burst out crying.
It reminded me to connect to the source of the music. Not the business. Not all the fuss and all the hype.
The creative process.
I lost that for a while. But then I found that place of peace again. That taught me PATIENCE. I can't rush things but I can stay focussed and I stay true to what I feel is the best for me. Even if it means not having much right now.
When you're in that place you have to know that it's perfect as it is and you're obviously getting just as much out of life as anyone else but just in a different way. Maybe an even better way?
Anyway, I want to do this and yes I would do anything for it too. So when the time is right it's all going to get done. What happens is what is supposed to.
Read my current Grammy Feature here: http://www.grammymuseum.org/joingive/membership/member-music
"Veins" Out this Sunday May 19th 2013 on iTunes www.krissearle.com
